Tobi's Nightmare
by with eyes looking up
Summary: A crack story, concerning Tobi, and the rest of the Akatsuki, that tell Tobi to 'toughen up', before something bad happens. Well, joke's on you, guys. Crackfic, OLD.


**Tobi's Nightmare**

**(In this, Tobi is going to be Uchiha Obito. Deal. And the choppy sentences are on purpose, mmkay?)**

**This is for everyone that reviewed on 'Conspiring Deidara, Acrimonious Itachi, and Coiffeur Tobi'! This would be something like the sequel. :) Enjoy!**

**x.x.x **

Everyone was asleep.

Well, _almost_ everyone.

Tobi sipped his hot mocha cocoa hot chocolate, sighing in content. His mask lay beside him on the table, easily reachable if need be necessary.

He thought about his cousin in the next room, grinning. Oh yes, family time. Of course, Itachi didn't know it.

Hell, he was still wondering why Tobi hung around him so much.

They'd never know.

Kukuku.

Tobi giggled, looking around the bright kitchen. Everything was spotless, he made sure.

(Personally, I think Tobi acts like a moron because half his brain was smushed under a fucking boulder.

In Tobi's defense, though, it was a BIG boulder.

More than twice the size of his wee little head.

So, blame the rock.

KUKUKU.)

Tobi sighed at the thought of his past life.

Hm….

Oh well.

Can't be helped! They thought he was dead.

Of course…he _'was'_ dead.

Ch, not.

Ku…ku…ku.

Tobi finished off his hot mocha cocoa hot chocolate, put the cup in the dishwasher, and headed off to bed, replacing his mask.

Silent as a mouse, he crept in the room he shared with Deidara, being careful not to wake him. (Deidara was like a drunk if you tried to wake him at midnight. Ya' know...'Imma eat you if you wake me up...' That kinda thing.)

He daintily crawled into his bed and turned on his side, leveling his breathing.

It was almost pitch black and the silence was a bit creepy but had a comforting undertone to it, and Tobi was soon lulled to sleep.

**x.x.xDreamx.x.x**

Tobi stared in horror at the advancing Itachi.

He was holding up a kunai in one hand and a katana in the other. (And grinning maniacally.)

Kisame appeared on his other side, wielding Samehead and Tobi gave a small squeak.

The other members appeared, all holding various weapons, and Tobi cried out as they -kindly- proceeded to stab him.

Kindly, of course.

I mean, poor Deidara was sobbing the whole time.

…not.

With joy, maybe.

Sadness?

Ch, not even in _Tobi's_ dreams.

They finished the job and all disappeared, except for Itachi, who stood over Tobi's dead body, smirking.

"That what you get for being too nice. Toughen up, and maybe we would've let you live."

**x.x.xNext Morningx.x.x**

Tobi bolted up, sweating.

"_Toughen up…"_

He looked over at Deidara's bed to see him turning on his other side and mumbling something about a dancing pickle or something.

"…_maybe…"_

It was six in the morning. Wow.

"…_we would've…"_

He put a hand to his heart.

"…_let you…"_

He threw off the blanket, getting out of the accursed bed. (It was _haunted_.)

"…_live."_

"That was…the scar- I mean, uh, maybe it was a _sign._" Tobi squeaked, running out of the room and into the kitchen.

Itachi, Kisame, and Zetsu were already in there, talking or eating quietly.

"Um…Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked at Zetsu's elbow, fiddling with his fingers.

"Yes, Tobi?" Zetsu's white half asked pleasantly. The black side stayed silent.

"Would you…would you kill me if I was too nice?" Tobi managed to get out, despite his nervousness.

**"_Yes."_**

Tobi squeaked, scooting away from Zetsu's black half immediately and hiding behind Kisame.

Zetsu beckoned him forward, sighing.

Tobi scooted forward and Zetsu patted his head.

"Of course we wouldn't, Tobi. Where did you get that idea?" his white half asked.

"_**It is a good one."**_

"Sh." Zetsu's white half muttered.

"_**Hmph."**_

"Well…" Tobi started, glancing at Kisame and Itachi, "I had a dream."

"A dream?" The white half asked, that I am dubbing Whitey.

"_**What was the dream? Was it…evil?"**_ The black half -dubbed Blacky- asked, hopeful.

"Very." Tobi nodded gravely.

"_Cool."_

"Hm. What was it about?" Whitey asked.

"Everyone was killing me, Zetsu-san!" Tobi exploded.

"…"

"…_**cool."**_

"A-and then, Itachi-san said if I didn't toughen up, then you would kill me!" Tobi sobbed.

"Hn." Itachi, uh, 'hn'ed, glancing at him from over his newspaper, thinking it over. "Could happen."

"So…it's a sign?" Tobi gasped.

"…right." Itachi mused, not really listening, his eyes following the lines of words on the paper before him.

"Oh no!" Tobi exclaimed, putting his hands up to where his mouth was _supposed_ to be, but that damn basketball mask was in the way. "Am I going to die, Zetsu-san?"

"_**Yesss." **_

"Ah!!!!!" Tobi ran out of the room so fast, screaming like the little girl he was, that Itachi's paper was torn from his hands.

He blinked at the empty air a minute before noticing his paper was gone and he had two very large paper cuts across each palm.

With a twitch, he got up to fetch his paper and a first aid kit.

**x.x.xLaterx.x.x**

Tobi looked at himself in the mirror, his mask off.

"Toughen up, Obito, toughen up!" he whispered.

"Tobi, time to eat, un!" Deidara yelled, banging on the door.

"Uh, yes Deidara-senpei! I'll be out in a minute!" he stuttered, putting his mask back on hastily.

He made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall to the kitchen before sitting at the table with everyone else.

He watched, silent, as everyone ate and looked up when Kisame said his name.

"Tobi? Pass the ketchup, please."

'Toughen up!'

"Um…no…?" he squeaked.

Everyone stopped to stare at him, then Kisame, who just blinked.

"Oh….kay." he shrugged, reaching over the table to get it himself.

"Why didn't you just give it to him?" Hidan asked, looking at him, an eyebrow raised and a piece of partly chewed chicken visible through his parted lips.

"Um…because….I uh, didn't…want to…?" Tobi stuttered, sweating.

He blinked a few times before shrugging and going back to eating.

Everyone else soon joined in and Tobi sighed, leaning back in his chair.

'Well, I toughened up, didn't I?'

Itachi, who was down and across a few seats, raised an eyebrow and continued eating tediously, keeping a close watch on the orange swirl that was Tobi.

**x.x.xNext Weekx.x.x**

"This place is a mess." Kisame muttered, walking out of their room with Itachi.

Itachi merely nodded, refraining himself from making a face at something that was left on the floor, but a small grimace found it's way past and he almost blanched when he [could've sworn he saw it move.

They made their way to the kitchen, passing Hidan, who was running past them with a green face to the bathroom.

They watched him slam the door and a sickening sound was heard throughout the hallway.

"Sick." Kisame blanched, opening the door and going in.

"What the hell is that???!!!!" he yelped, eyeing a large pile of something that had made it's way to the table leg.

"Hn. It looks…" Itachi mused, bending forward for a closer look, "…like a…chicken."

There was a period of silence until the _thing_ suddenly lunged at the unaware Uchiha and he stumbled back, trying to yank it off.

"Kisame, get this thing off my face, dammit!" he snarled, pulling at it.

Hidan came in just then, not looking too well, noticed the fight between the 'chicken', Itachi, and Kisame, and ran out, holding his hands to his mouth and running to the bathroom again.

"What the hell? It wont come off!" Kisame yelled, pulling on it.

"What are you doing, un?" Deidara asked, coming in the room.

"Help me get this thing off!" Kisame ordered, glancing at him.

Itachi was making gagged, muffled noises and-from what they could see- he was turning bluer than Kisame.

"It's suffocating him!" Kisame realized, eyes wide.

"Don't move, un." Deidara ordered. "Kisame, back up."

"Okay…" he stepped back next to Deidara, who was releasing a small insect. It flew over to the 'chicken' and Itachi stood still as possible.

**BOOM.** (XD)

Itachi and the 'chicken' were both thrown in different directions and Deidara grinned as Kisame cheered.

"Itachi, are you all right?!" Kisame asked, running over to see him unconscious, having been thrown against the table side. The chicken reared it's **FREAKIN' UGLY** head, making a noise of triumph. (Which they TRIED to ignore. Deidara eyed it, reaching for some more clay.)

"What happened to Itachi-san?"

Deidara and Kisame looked up from lugging Itachi up to see Tobi watching them from the doorway.

"Um…Deidara?" Kisame asked nervously, ignoring Tobi.

"What, un?"

"I think…Itachi is in a coma."

Deidara looked at him in horror, then at Tobi. "H-he can't be!"

"He can too. That was Ganka plant, and they eat humans. For all you know, he's dead." Tobi told them.

"What happened to you? I thought you were… timid, a-and a sissy boy?" Kisame asked, open mouthed as he stared at the orange faced boy.

"I toughened up, so you wouldn't have to kill me, like Itachi-san said." Tobi shrugged like it was totally obvious.

"Well, if I promise that we won't kill you, will you go back to normal and pick up that…that _thing_?" Kisame asked desperately.

Tobi seemed to think it over and finally nodded. "Okay, Kisame-san, I can do that."

He then whistled, holding out his hand near the ground, and the Ganka plant slowly crawled over, climbing on his arm. Like a pet bird. Hey, wait...chickens are birds, right...?

Grinning behind his mask, Tobi walked out of the kitchen, leaving Deidara and Kisame staring after him, open mouthed.

'Watch them kill me now.' He mused, putting the plant back it's cage and locking it with the key in his pocket.

"Tobi, what are you doing with the Ganka? That plant is especially dangerous, I told you that." Zetsu scolded, coming into the greenhouse.

Tobi resorted to playing innocent. "Oh, I forgot, thank you Zetsu-san!"

Zetsu raised an eyebrow.

"Right…"

**END.**

**Riiiight, well. I made this a while back, and it's been sitting on my hard-drive for, like, ever. Hope you liked it, everyone!**


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